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Goals NOT Resolutions

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it!

I see so many posts on social media, and so many people talking about what their New Year Resolution is going to be each year it started me thinking…how long do people actually keep their resolutions? We all start out with the best intentions but somehow around mid-February everything has been thrown out the window.

I think this happens because our resolutions are made based on things we think we SHOULD be doing or not doing, because we want to make a change but we aren’t quite committed enough to the outcome to stick to it, or sometimes because we are worried about what other people think.

Quitting is so much easier than doing something consistently and changing habits. I have even found myself justifying that if I did something wrong it’s not a big deal because nobody keeps resolutions anyway. It’s also really common to think that if you do screw up that you may as well just quit now because it’s never going to work. Dieting when it’s not important enough to you can have the same effect! I have watched many people I know over the years make a mistake and eat something they shouldn’t so they either just quit completely or recommit to start on Monday.

As you all know by now that my husband, the coach, works with a lot of clients and what he recommends telling yourself is that you want to do this BECAUSE…what is the reason that you really want to do this? If it is dieting, it could be because you want to be healthier & have more energy so you can spend more time doing activities with your kids or spouse. If it’s quitting or changing your job, then what is the reason there? For me, when I started planning quitting my job, it was because I wanted more freedom to travel and make more money. The key is to find the reason that works for you.

I have always thought that resolution was such a flimsy word which is why I prefer to call them GOALS. We all have goals and the New Year isn’t the only time we start working towards those goals. That’s the main thing here…there’s never a bad time to start. It doesn’t matter your age, what your goals are, or how lofty they are, if you start…you are always going to end up closer than you would be if you procrastinated.

So this 2019…it still sounds crazy to me so be saying 2019…I am looking for goals that challenge me, scare me, help me grow, give me more freedom and patience but most importantly that help me gain stronger connections and relationships.

What is one thing that is so important to you BECAUSE…?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


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Stress Less for the Holidays

“Our greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another!”

 

Have you ever noticed that the Holidays are not always a time of relaxation?  That sometimes we over-commit ourselves, that we create unrealistic expectations about how things are going to look or just push ourselves too hard?

I used to end up exhausted and almost depressed after a holiday.  All that went into creating the “perfect” meal, planning, cooking & setting up, seemed to drain me to the point of not wanting to do anything the days following other than sit & read or watch TV.  I know what happened to me, and it’s been a process of overcoming and dealing with it over the years, and now I am at the point where I can actually enjoy my time.

Here’s what I did – I created an image in my mind about how I thought the meal was going to look.  Sometimes even going far enough to contemplate the conversations we would have, the games we would play, the movies we would watch and so on.  As you can imagine, especially when you have a large group of people to have something so orchestrated is impossible – which would leave me frustrated and feeling down.  It’s not something that I did consciously but I had some thoughts and memories from my childhood and beyond that I wanted to recreate.  The problem with that is that my brain was making those memories look far more amazing than they probably were, and certainly more amazing than it was going to be possible for me to force people to recreate.

Do you ever find yourself trying to control things to the point of creating such unrealistic expectations that no matter what happens because it doesn’t look exactly right, you feel defeated because it’s not perfect?  Saying this out loud and writing it today makes me even more aware how ridiculous it is to do this, but that doesn’t mean that while it was happening it didn’t feel 100% real.

I have used various techniques to put me in touch with my body and what I am feeling, and some work better than others.  I wanted to share one with you today that I have found works pretty well for me:

Name your feelings

Close your eyes.  Let your mind wander into the different parts of your body and check in to see how it feels right now.  What thoughts are going on in your head?  Observe, don’t analyze.  When you are connected to how your body feels, ask yourself:  what is this feeling called?
Observe the feeling in peace and name it.  You can also ask yourself if there is something causing that feeling.
By recognizing and naming your feelings you will start to feel ease from the lump of stress you might have had in your body.  

According to the Mayo clinic, stress is the Number one cause of cancer in the US today – and if we subject ourselves to levels of stress during times when things are meant to be spent appreciating what we’re grateful for, then it kind of defeats the purpose.

I am planning on making a lovely meal for my family, spending time and doing “whatever we feel like” rather than trying to control the entire weekend.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  What do you have planned?

 

 

 

Listen to Your Body

 

“Improve by just 1% every day, and in just 100 days you are twice as good!”

 

I feel very fortunate to have always been able to listen to my body when it comes to hunger, and seem to know what I want.  I had a client I used to work with that after a few times of taking him to lunch he nicknamed me “small portions” because I only ever eat what I hear my body telling me what I need.  That way I don’t have to feeling of being bloated and I know I can eat pretty much at least a small amount of whatever I fancy!

I know that isn’t true for everyone, so after having lunch with a friend, Claudia, and she told me about her amazing book “One, Two Punch” I just knew I had to share about it and here’s why…

 

You can click on this picture to buy the book for yourself…

 

Claudia Wilson, Author and so much more!

 

How many of you know the difference between HUNGER and APPETITE?  I don’t know if I consciously knew either, at least until I read this book.  HUNGER is your body’s need to eat, APPETITE is your desire to eat.  It is a simple explanation of something that if unchecked can get even the best eater into trouble.  For example, how many of you eat when it’s TIME to eat, when you’re bored, when you’re watching TV or a movie, rather than when you’re hungry?  If any of those things are something you do all the time, then you definitely need to read this book, if you do it sometimes (and even I do it sometimes), I still don’t think it would hurt for you to read the book either 😉

If we really listen and learn how to hear what our body is telling us, we can actually not just learn to know we are hungry but also learn what our body needs to eat.  The thing about this book that I love the most is that it doesn’t say you have to diet, but it says by choosing to balance your meals and not counting calories, you can actually eat a little bit of whatever you want – remember me saying that I like to eat “a little bit of whatever I fancy”.   So, what you do is look at the amount of carbs that you have with a meal and balance that with protein and fats.  She teaches about how this method works anywhere, when you’re traveling (no need to measure or count calories), all you need to do is look at the portion size.  And here’s the best part – you measure the size of a portion by the size of your fist!  So with this method you’re not depriving yourself of ANYTHING just making better choices (and the key here is that it’s YOUR choice).

I know I have talked to friends and family and they talk about their experience with diets and how they don’t work.  It’s mainly because their choice is taken away, and pretty much everyone in the world doesn’t want to  controlled or have their choice taken away (even if it is by ourselves!)

 

 

In today’s social age we can definitely become distracted by going out to dinner with friends, chatting and not being conscious to listen to our bodies and find out if we are full.  I know I am always going to go to dinner with friends and family, so it just means I have to be paying attention a little more.  I have definitely been guilty of filling up on appetizers or bread before my meal comes and before I know it all I have eaten are carbs, and my intake is not balanced.  Obviously that doesn’t work with this method because the One, Two Punch is about balance and portion size… so now I will be more conscious about not snacking before my meal comes.  The same can also be said about eating a meal in front of the TV, especially if you’re watching something that is very intense or has your pinned to your seat.  Ultimately the key is to focus on eating while you’re eating, that way you know to drink as you eat, you can listen to your body to know when you’re full and leave food on the plate if you don’t need it.  I know it can be hard to leave food uneaten, especially if you’re out at a nice restaurant and are paying for the meal, but for you and the wellbeing of your body, knowing when to say when is also necessary!

If you are that person that has a fear of missing out, which can be one of the main reasons many quit their “diets”,  if you’re looking for something that will allow you to be more conscious about your eating – because 90% of how we look comes from what we put into our body!  Then you need to click this link or the picture of the book above, to buy the book!  Use the code STYLE to get 10% off!

I love one of the quotes in the book “There’s no wagon to fall off” – that whole “I screwed up so I’m going to restart on Monday” kind of excuse doesn’t work.

Stop beating yourself up and just work on being more conscious moving forward.  And here’s the most important thing – START NOW!!!  Go ahead, order the book and see what happens in your life.  Even if all you want to do is find a routine that helps you balance your weight and health fluctuations, this will work for you!!

And here’s another thought, this is a great Christmas gift – I have a few people in mind that I want to give this to!  At the very least, go and check out her site and read a little more for yourself…

 

 

 

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Conditional Confidence

“Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing!”

Have you ever put conditions on your confidence or self-esteem?  Let me explain…

I have been in sales for 20 years now and have experienced huge successes which has afforded me the opportunity to travel and create amazing memories with my family.  Because I have worked really hard at it and become successful, a lot of my self confidence came from that success.  So, when I decided to start writing this blog I didn’t have the same amount of confidence in myself or my abilities.  In fact, I started to wonder if anyone would even be interested in what I might have to say, or if it could provide any value. I started to shy away from interacting with other bloggers and almost hid behind the computer rather than putting myself “out there” and being confident and bold.

I had put conditions on my confidence – I only felt good if I got a certain number of comments or likes on my social media and I started to feel a little insecure about my abilities.  It took me a while but I realized that this was a self-defeatist mindset and it was actually getting it the way of my happiness and success.  So here’s what I started to do – I pushed myself to do as many things that made me feel uncomfortable as possible so that I could grow and become stronger.  I started to accept my value even on those days where the engagement of my blog or social media was low, so that my confidence or happiness was no longer dependent on my success (or at least my perceived success!)

After going through these things I started to realize that this has been a pattern in my life – when things were going well I felt really good about myself, but if I had a bad sales month (or year) or I had a client cancel etc., etc. it made me feel like I wasn’t any good at what I was doing.  Now this is a double edged sword – it created a huge amount of drive in my career and life, BUT it also meant that no matter what, at some point, I was going to let a situation or a person determine how confident I felt in myself.  Obviously not the best way to live my life.

Do you find yourself putting conditions on how you feel about yourself?  Is your self-worth or confidence DEPENDENT on something?  It is a really common thought process in a lot of people, but if you can master the art of shining no matter what is going on in your life, and not allowing things or people determine how you feel about yourself, everything else just seems to work itself out – and not because everything is going to always go your way, but because you can handle it when it doesn’t!

If you have experienced in the past or if you currently find yourself thinking that you worth is conditional on certain things, I wanted to share with you a concept…

What if you just considered yourself as a unique, irreplaceable person, that is valued unconditionally, and that when you see yourself as this person, you will be able to connect and create stronger relationships in your life, the relationships that you deserve.  Would it be worth thinking this way instead of letting thoughts of shame, negativity, insecurity or judgement  camp out in your mind?  I can tell you that it worked for me, and that I work every day on focusing on the good in me…

 

 

Have an amazing weekend – I would love to hear what you think about this concept…Comment below!

 

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Skirt:  from Downeast Basics – click here

 

 

How to Get Motivated

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal:  It is the courage to continue that counts!”

I decided to write today’s post because it is something I dealt with this weekend and it felt fresh to me.  As a wife, mother, friend and business professional I am sure you can imagine how many things need to be accomplished on a daily basis.  I’m not complaining, it’s just busy.

Yesterday in Salt Lake was a gorgeous, hot day, and for some reason after I had made lunch I didn’t feel like doing anything else.  Dishes needed to be done, I had bought some string lights for my patio that needed putting up, I needed to clean my closet to get rid of some clothes that I didn’t wear anymore, and the list goes on.  So here’s what happened, after I had made the lunch I sat down and felt so mentally exhausted that I didn’t even pick up my phone and check social media – I started to wonder if I was coming down with something.  As I talked to Brandon I realized a few things:

  1. I feel guilty if I am not doing something.
  2. I beat myself up for being “lazy” rather than allowing myself to relax.
  3. I sometimes create things to do just so I am busy.
  4. Even when I’m not actually physically doing something I am thinking about or creating a list of the things I can do next.
  5. I don’t allow myself to take time for myself, or even if I do I feel like I have to explain or justify why even to myself!
  6. I want so badly to be the best at so many things that I end up not finishing things and spreading myself too thin.
  7. When I see other people not doing things it makes me think they are lazy because everyone should be moving, right?!
  8. I want so badly to be better every time I do something that I sometimes over-think and don’t end up taking any action.

I know this may seem like a crazy list, definitely not logical AND counter productive, but I wanted to share it with you for a couple of reasons.  Firstly, because I have found that when I put something out there, I can no longer hide from it and I have to face it.  Secondly, because I bet I am not the only one that experiences these things, and perhaps knowing that you’re not crazy and someone else has similar struggles to you can make it easier to work on.

I have found in my life that when I am open, vulnerable and not afraid to let people know about my struggles or weaknesses, I very often find that others can relate and that has helped me overcome many things.

So, when you don’t feel motivated or feel mentally exhausted, how is the best way to handle it?  Here’s what I did…I went on a bike ride to get my energy going (exercise always helps me), and then after a little discussion with my amazing coach of a husband, I realized that it’s OK to sit down and just chill for a little bit.  I allowed myself some time to just sit there with my thoughts, and not the creating a list kind of thoughts, but just appreciations, gratitude and peaceful thoughts…and here’s the most important part – I didn’t let myself feel guilty for not doing something!  I allocated a small amount of time to just be there, and then I resolved to take a small action rather than creating a huge list that was overwhelming and trying to undertake that.

There are definitely going to be days where motivation doesn’t come naturally, even if you are an over-achiever there will be days where you are just not in the right frame of mind or you feel exhausted or sick.  With that being said, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still accomplish what you need to do, because motivation can be created.  If you look at athletes, I am sure every one of them has an “off day”, but whether they like it or not, they have to show up and play.  It’s also like that as a mother – you don’t get to take a day off…your kids need you, and quite honestly you need them.

I have found for me the first thing you need to create motivation is a ROUTINE – having a certain way that I do things, or just scheduling the time to do it.  I love sitting in my office because I have created an environment that I love to be in, and work just seems to flow.  My routine has me get up and get dressed – it’s that simple.  I have always admired those that have home offices and work in their PJ’s because I know that wouldn’t do it for me.  I have to be dressed and feeling/looking professional.  Whatever your routine is it just needs to start with something simple, something so easy to do that you can’t talk yourself out of it.  It could be something as simple as sitting grabbing some water before you start any task – that way, the water will lead you to think that productivity is the next natural step.

The next step is to take a physical action or become engaged – mine is leaving the house.  Going to my office and getting moving.  I noticed yesterday when I wasn’t feeling motivated my body language was very lax…I was laying on the couch, I was moving slowly and it most definitely wasn’t an action mindset or engaged mindsetGet motivated

The final step is to use the same pattern every time.  Again, your pattern is your pattern, so create something that is recognizable for you.  Use it every time you take the action…so that when you need the motivation, the actions just flow and the motivation will come because you are doing what you always do!

My routine this morning was definitely different than yesterday and I am already noticing that my motivation is back – mainly because I used my same routine, I took action and I did I like I always do!

Monday has traditionally been a hard day for motivation – I hear lots of people talking about how they hate Mondays and that it sucks to go back to work…so this Monday, why not look at it from another perspective. Why not recognize the amazing things you have in this life and feel grateful for the opportunity to be doing what you’re doing – things can change in an instant!

Happy Monday…

 

Don’t lose sight of your Goals

“If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up!”

You may have noticed that I’ve been doing quite a bit of traveling recently…I don’t know about you, but I work so I can travel with my family as much as possible.  Ever since I was young and my parents took us on some amazing trips, I have always been a big believer in making memories being the most important things we can do in our lives.  In fact, I don’t even know if I could remember the many of the gifts I was given for birthdays or Christmas but I do remember the good times we had traveling with my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins.

Traveling is something that is ingrained in my DNA…and my kids will tell you the same.  It definitely does make it challenging to fit in all the work that I need so I can enjoy the vacation and not have to take time away from the family.  Being organized writing my blog posts, planning what I am going to post and all the other elements that go into blogging and promoting it on social media are vital!  Even taking vacation from my full time job is not always vacation because I like to make sure I am available if problems arise with my clients and see if there are things I need to take care of.

You may be asking yourself why I am talking about all the work that I have to do to be organized so I can travel…well, here’s the point – I love to travel and that isn’t going to change, but I also have goals & standards that mean I have to be really organized so I can enjoy my vacations.  My goals aren’t going to go away just because I love to travel, but I definitely have to make sure that I plan ahead!

I have recently been working with my 16 year old who got a little behind with his school work because of our vacation to Hawaii and I told him that he needed to write a list of the things he was behind with and then make a plan for when he was going to complete each task.  After a little push back he agreed to do it and once he had everything down he told me that it had really helped him because then he didn’t have to have all the things jumbled inside his head, giving him more to worry about.  Once he had everything written down, he could check off each thing once completed and see that list become less and less overwhelming.

I follow a very similar style – I know what I need to do, and always write a list about EVERYTHING.  Including whether I need to pack certain things, if I need to go to a store to pick something up etc.  If I miss something when I am writing the list, I guarantee it’s something I will completely miss or even worse, I wake up in the middle of the night almost in a cold sweat with a list in my head again of things that I should have written down.

My goals are very important to me, I am always making new goals, and I never stop working towards them. I have found that every goal, whether big or small, requires consistent effort and nothing (not even a vacation) is going to stop me from putting in that consistent effort!

My goal when I started this blog was to inspire women to express their unique personality through their style, which would in turn grow their confidence.  I have always felt that our biggest challenge as women is the belief in ourselves.  Feeling great about yourself absolutely leads you to become more confident and hopefully that in turn leads to achieving whatever your goals are.  I am not going to give up on my goal…and neither should you!

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