Living in a Masculine World

“In a world where masculinity is respected and femininity is regularly dismissed.  It takes an enormous amount of strength and confidence for any person to embrace their feminine self!”

You’ve probably heard me talk about how I have 4 boys…but I’m not sure if I mentioned that when we bought my dog my ONLY request (because I really didn’t want a dog) was that it would be a female.  I am sure you can guess where this is going – my dog’s name is Rooney (after Wayne Rooney who used to play for Manchester United my favorite football/soccer team) and he is a male dog.

I live in a house where there is more testosterone than most people would know how to handle, but let me explain why I am equipped.  I grew up the oldest of 3 kids, and you’ve guessed it, I have 2 younger brothers – no sisters.  I have never known the likes of the drama that can come from living in a home with girls, nor have I ever had the pleasure to have a sister to share my deepest thoughts and secrets with.  I know this is why I take my friendships so seriously – they are an escape for me from my current environment and I consider them the sisters I chose.

Even though I live surrounded by all this masculinity, I have never lost my love for my feminine side, in fact, I think I am able to embrace it even more because of what I see around me.  I love sports, I love cars, I am not a pushover (and those of you that know me, know this is quite an understatement), I am handy and love to do home projects and fix things, but I also love to shop, cook and make the most of how I look.  I don’t think I am an anomaly, I just think I am not afraid to be who I want to be without worrying about what I think I SHOULD be.

 

 

Unfortunately we still live in a time where, as a woman, we have to prove ourselves over and over, where we are not always given opportunities to rise to the top in careers, and sometimes we are even blatantly discriminated against.  Guess what, however someone else treats us doesn’t have to determine how successful we are.  Rising to top in anything requires tenacity, persistence, patience as well as confidence, and these things only come when we are not bitter, resentful or frustrated.  Believe me, in my career I tried pretty much every angle to achieve my goals and quite honestly the only thing that did work for me was just being ME and not giving up no matter what.  I found that when I embraced my femininity and inner confidence that I felt when I did that, I was able to attract more positivity to my life which also brought more success, fulfillment and happiness.

I found that when I became too aggressive (which I know I have a tendency to do) I intimidated people, which actually gave me negative results.  At the time I didn’t realize that my aggression and frustration was causing people to want to move away from me, which included clients, my husband, my kids, my friends, and so on.  It’s a weird thing when you feel that people don’t want to be around you, especially when you sit down and think about why that might be and take accountability for your actions in the whole equation.

Life is filled with things we can’t change, and the only way we can work through those things is if we accept that we have no control over them.  Letting go is the most freeing feeling, but it requires practice.  It doesn’t mean that you are always going to like it, but it means you are able to move on despite how you feel.

I love the fact that I get to be the only girl in my house – sometimes the smells, the disorganization, the untidiness, the laziness, and the constant meal making can be a little much, but quite honestly, I wouldn’t change it for anything.  I feel blessed that I can come home and one or more of the “boys” in my house will give me a 20 second hug which is exactly what I need to ease away the stress from my workday.

Staying feminine when all around you is masculine is an art, its a habit, and it is a path to success in business.  In any relationship (whether personal or professional) there needs to be a masculine and feminine energy, and most men like to take the masculine lead.  If they take that lead the best way for you to have success and create a connection in that relationship is by being the feminine you.  I feel very fortunate as a woman to be able to be strong and confident and I don’t have to give up my femininity to do it.

 


Release your Inner Power

 

“I’m street, so look both ways before you cross me!”

 

I had to post today’s quote because it reminds me that I have that whole other level inside me that kicks in when I really want to accomplish something.

Do you know what I mean when I say that? Do you have that smolder inside you that lies dormant until someone tells you that you can’t do something or tries to stop you from achieving your goals.  I didn’t realize how strong mine was until I really sat and thought about what I wanted to be when I grow up.  I know, seems kind of crazy, but you could call it mid-life crisis or just a heightened awareness, but I definitely reached the point in my life where I didn’t feel fulfilled or happy with what I was doing.

I am sure some of you can relate to this in some way.  Is there an area of your life where you are not feeling fulfilled?  It could be your job, it could be your home life, it could be school…there are many ways to feel unfulfilled.  So what do you do when you find yourself in this place?  The simple answer is to change it…but that’s not always feasible.

I found myself in this place a few years ago, so I knew that I had to make a change.  I had to decide if I would be happy if I was in the same place in a year or even 10 years.  Obviously my answer was no, so that’s when I knew that I had to think about what I did want to be doing.  It took me some time to ponder this question, months even, but when I came to the realization that it was important to me to help people, I knew what I had to do.

That’s when I called on that inner gangster & determination that I knew was inside me because I had used it many times before.  The easy part is knowing what you want to do, the hard part comes when you have to slog away day after day, being consistent, undeterred and motivated (even when you don’t feel like it).  This is when the grit comes in. That part inside you that doesn’t doubt you can put in the work necessary to get it done.

 

 

One of Brandon’s favorite shows is Shark Tank, and recently I have been watching it with him.  I have found it so interesting to see these people that literally started with nothing, come up with an idea and grow that idea sufficiently that they are qualified to make it onto a show on TV.  I love seeing their belief in what they are doing, I love seeing them overcome fear day after day – because that’s what I know I must do.  It helps me know that I’m not alone, and that the only way anything happens in this world is if we believe enough in it and in ourselves to make it happen.

So what if, inside you, there is this inner bad girl with grit just waiting to help you accomplish your dreams?  What if I told you that it is there – you just need to find a way to harness it.  It’s no that it’s easier for some than others, it’s just that some will do whatever it takes to make it happen – they believe that much in themselves.

I may be that girl that eats organic foods, believes in the environment, believes that people and their feelings are more important than ideas, but I still love to listen to rap music.  I still love to be walking the line of conformity, because I know that when I am open, loving and real, that’s when I am able to feel love and fulfillment in my life.

Sometimes I feel the need to show the outside world that I am not just a pretty face, but I have an attitude and I’m not afraid to use it…that’s why I chose today’s more casual, get stuff done, inner bad girl look 😉

Shop my look by clicking the links below…

 


The Power of Music

 

“And for that one moment while the music plays.  You know who you are and everything you wish to be!”

 

Do you have a ritual or something you do that gets you ready for a hard task you need to complete, or to just make you feel better?  Music can have such a positive influence in our lives if we find the right music to get us pumped up.

There are so many options out there for good music, and there are so many bad ones as well.  I am more drawn to a beat than I am the words, but definitely the words (especially if they aren’t good words) do have an impact on us.  I love to listen to a wide variety of music, and I tend to focus on certain types to achieve different results.  When I am wanting to feel like I want to dance or just feel good, I listen to rap, hip hop, R&B, a little pop and disco.  I like NWA (I know, not typical), I love Mary J Blige, P!nk can really get me pumped up, love a little Rihanna, Drake, Travis Scott, and so many others.  If I want to feel inspired I listen to songs like “This is Me” from the Greatest Showman, “Unstoppable” by Sia, and a few others that help me to remember why I am here and how great I should feel about myself.

Music has been used to centuries for inspiration, and many other reasons, so there must be something to this theory.  I have had times in my working career where I could become distracted by negativity, and I would use music through headphones to block out the “noise” and help me to focus on the things that were important.  As I have been working with Brandon and going to his Live events, we use music to create a certain mood.  We use it to help people get out of their comfort zones, and I have seen it work amazing wonders. In fact, the more I see it, the more I want to use it in my life.

He goes through a ritual every morning and listens to music to wake him up, to get him ready to take on the day and the make sure his mind is in the place it needs to be so that he can be there for the people that NEED him.  I love that music can do that, I love that just by listening to the beat, the words and by letting that music take you places, you can honestly change your state and put yourself in a better mood, create the energy you need to accomplish anything if you really want to put your mind to it.

 

Click here to shop a similar leather jacket

Even when I am at home and I have to clean the house, the task doesn’t seem so bad when I have music on and it can take me away from what I am doing.  Driving long distances in the car becomes a lot more tolerable when you can listen to some great music.

As I started to think about Brandon’s LIVE events, his morning ritual and the feelings that I have when I listen to some music that speaks to me, I started to think more and more about it.  What I realized is that music and it’s artists really do have a power, and it’s there for us to use if we choose to!  We can harness the power of music and use it to our advantage.  You may already be doing it without even being aware, but my guess is that if you set yourself up with a great routine or ritual of listening to inspirational and motivational music before you do something that is important to you, the results will actually end up being better.

I have a few playlists loaded in my iPhone, different ones for different reasons, so that when I am working out, driving to work or a meeting, or even just having a hard emotional time, I can call on that playlist to help me change my state.

As I sit writing this post I have some background music, not something that distracts me from what I am writing, but rather music that makes me FEEL so that I can be real and write something that hopefully resonates with you.  You’ll have to let me know…;)

Now Monday is here, and let’s be honest Monday’s don’t have the best reputation, why not start incorporating more “good” music into your life.  Should you choose to accept this challenge – I would love to hear how it worked for you.

Have a great week!

 

Make No Excuses – Just Goals

 

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment!”

 

Do you have goals?  Even if you think you don’t, I am sure there are some things that you want to achieve.  It could be as simple as decorating your home, raising your kids to be respectful, or even just about eating healthy.  What one thing do all these goals have in common?  They require WORK to get there!

Have you ever found yourself imaging your future, the home you’ll live in, the career you’ll have, standing at your kids’ weddings next to the bride or groom with pride all over your face?  To imagine is completely normal, but the only way you will actually get there is by doing at least some work.

In order to stand next to your kids on their wedding day requires you having a good relationship with them (WORK), to have the career you want (EFFORT), to move homes (WORK, TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD IT).  The thing that I have noticed in my 20 year career in sales is that unfortunately a lot of people want the reward without the effort.  The problem with that is that our imaginations can create AMAZING realities, but when we are in our actual reality it looks bleak in comparison.

It is only my second day in my new career, and I can tell you that it has its challenges, the grass is not always going to be greener, but the one thing that I have going for me is that no matter what I am not afraid to put in the effort.  Working hard is not the most important thing, working smart needs to be part of it as well.  I have found myself having to think a lot more about structuring my day to include tasks I want to accomplish, the things I need to do, along with things that I know will distract me if I don’t schedule time for them.

We have so many distractions in our life that if we don’t schedule time for those distractions we will become swept away, and when the option of doing a harder task versus something that is more fun, we will always welcome the fun one if we haven’t planned ahead.  For example, as I sit writing this blog I have probably had 20 emails, 3 texts, not to mention the phone call from one of my boys.  Obviously some distractions can’t be avoided (I try to never miss a call from my kids, even though most of the time it’s about drama or something I wish I didn’t have to deal with), but the big question is…do we welcome those distractions.  I will definitely admit that when I am doing mundane tasks I tend to become more easily distracted and tend to stay that way for longer.

So, now we know what we have to deal with on a daily basis..how do we  handle it effectively?  I have found that I allocate myself a certain amount of time on a task, and once that time is up I switch to another task.  If I haven’t completed the first task I can always go back to it.  This helps me with my focus,  my boredom and most importantly I allow myself a little break (even if it’s just a bathroom break) so I don’t become burned out!

 

 

I don’t always do work outdoors like I am in this post, but there are definitely times when a little fresh air can be exactly what the doctor ordered – maybe you can give it a try (although it’s been pretty cold here in Utah, so I won’t be able to do it soon!)

Today is Wednesday – what have you accomplished this week already and what do you still want to achieve?  Comment below…

A New Start

“You only ever get in life things that you have the courage to ask for!”

 

I’ve talked a little about my new beginnings over the past week or so…well, the day is finally here!

Have you ever started something new and found it a little challenging to switch your mind to the new things you will be focusing on?  This morning when I woke up I still had to get the kids ready and off for school, but the direction of my office, the things I need to accomplish, what I could wear, who I was going to meet with…all different.  After 15 years working in the same office, doing essentially the same job,  it had definitely become second nature..so what now?

Sometimes it’s easier to stay doing what we are familiar with rather than to take a risk, especially when you hear others around you questioning whether you can do it, or we may even start to question ourselves.  When I was in High School in England I remember going to parent teacher conferences/career night – I believe I was around 14 years old.  I met with my Biology teacher and my parents and at that time I had wanted to do something in the medical field.  I loved the sciences and they seemed to come easy to me.  As we sat there that teacher asked me what I was wanting to study in College and when I told her that I wanted to study Medicine or something like that she actually said to me “If I were you, I would set my sights lower”!

Wow!  Can you imagine the self esteem of a 14 year old at that point.  Well, here’s what happened, I decided to dig my heels in, I went to college, and worked my butt off to get my degree in Physiology with Microbiology.   As I was studying I found that I liked to meet new people, embraced challenges and love to develop long term relationships built on trust.  Consequently, when I was done with my degree I decided to apply for a job in Pharmaceutical sales.  In England in the early 90’s there weren’t many women doing that job and even though I had multiple interviews I found that it was a very sexist environment.   My self esteem took a beating again.  I was told by one interviewer that if I wanted a job where I was going to meet with Doctors I would need to wear short skirts.  The ironic thing about that is that the person telling me was actually a woman!  I am not someone that likes to be backed into a corner, and at that age I was a lot more naive, so I told her NO!  I would not do that.  Needless to say I didn’t get the job.

After a couple of years trying unsuccessfully to get a job in pharmaceutical sales, I decided to move over to the US – where I thought I would have an easier time as a woman in a career.  I got a job in Radio advertising sales so that I could gain some sales experience before I started applying for more sales jobs in the medical industry.  After a few years in radio, I moved into TV and then onto cable, where I have been working for the past 15 years.

 

 

Whilst working in cable advertising sales I found that I was experiencing very similar things to those I experienced when I was back in England.  I had to work twice as hard to get to the top, and I was the top.  I had to overcome men that were intimidated by strong women and people that were put in positions of management certainly not because of their experiences or qualifications to do the job, but rather because they were part of the “good old boys club” or had a friend that put them there.  What I realized is that I have NO control over what people say to me, how they treat me or whether things are “fair”.  What I do have control over is whether I let that define who I am.

I developed many amazing relationships while I was in the media industry and I am extremely grateful for those relationships.  I also refined my tenacity, my determination, my resilience and my confidence.  I learned that I could rise to the top no matter how someone treated me.  I learned that I am really good at what I do and now I have the opportunity to prove that to myself even more as I embark on a career that I get to control more.

I will be working with my husband that is a mindset and motivational coach, as well as working on my blog.  I feel like both work really well together, and I am excited for what our future holds.

I would not change anything that has happened to guide me on the path that I am on in my life.  I have learned a lot of what I am capable of and I have grown so much.  I have learned to love myself and not just because I look a certain way or I am successful in my career.  If I had placed too much emphasis on my career performance these past few years where I was challenged way more than anyone in a career should be, would have certainly diminished my self esteem.  Instead, it fired me up, it made me want to make more of my life!

Taking risks and starting new things are sometimes easier said than done.  It takes a lot of courage to walk away from something, but it can also be the most rewarding thing you have ever done.  I realized that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering “what if” or thinking that I had settled.  What about you?  What risks are you willing to take to grow?

 

 

Feel Good in your own Skin

“The best gift you can ever give yourself is the permission to feel safe in your own skin.  To feel worthy, and like you are enough!”

Feeling good in your own skin is so much more than being confident in how you look…it is more about who you are as a person and how you feel about that person.

We all came into this world the same way, but our experiences and our relationships in our lives shape us into who we are today. Sometimes those experiences can  cause us to feel insecure, lacking in confidence, or even make us feel like we are not good enough.  It can be hard to move through things that trigger us, or make us feel like this, but there are definitely steps we can take to help soften us and allow us to feel more worthy, more comfortable in our own skin and ultimately more confident.

I have found that the more I give myself grace for not being perfect, and the more I don’t compare myself or what I do to others, the better I feel about myself.  I can tell you that this getting older thing is not for the faint of heart.  I didn’t realize how much it affected me until I saw some pictures of me when I was younger, and noticed that I have laughter lines, I have wrinkles I had chosen not to notice before and that perhaps my muscles aren’t as toned as they once were.

 

 

So, as we go through life, how do we feel good about ourselves even as these things happen?

Here are a few things that help me – maybe they’ll help you too:

  1. Take care of yourself – for me this can be as simple as taking a bath at night, reading a good book or just having a small amount of time to be left with my thoughts.  I like to be unpredictable, so for me going on a bike ride in a different direction, walking the dog a different route or even driving home a different way allow me to feel free and let the stresses of the day go a little.  We don’t all have the same things that relax us or make us feel good, so whatever it is for you, that’s what you need to do.  It seems like the world is advertising to us all the time about what we should do, eat, wear, and like…but ultimately whatever it is that makes YOU feel good, well that’s what you need to do!
  2. Focus on the good – it’s easy to be critical about your flaws or what is wrong with you…so what if every time you saw something that you didn’t like about you, in turn you found something to appreciate about that thing.  For example, I always had a really flat stomach and that’s not the case anymore…but here’s the best part – I have 4 boys that I am immensely grateful for,  and I wouldn’t trade a little bit of a stomach for any of those kids.  Another could be the wrinkles around my eyes – but I appreciate that I have had plenty to laugh about in this life.
  3. Embrace your Uniqueness – we are all created to be different,  so why would we want to change who we are in order to fit in?  I am very lucky that my parents always encouraged me to embrace my unique, quirky and feisty personality, because I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t.  Society teaches about fitting in all the time, and social media only accentuates that need…but what if we considered that the world just wouldn’t be as it should without US and what unique traits we have to offer.
  4. Don’t be afraid to be alone – before I met Brandon I was a single mom for about 5 years, and during that time I really wanted to meet someone to settle down.  What I realized is that I wasn’t ready to meet him until I was 100% OK with being alone.  I love the time I spend by myself, not that I don’t love the company of my family or my friends, but I also need that time to make me the best I can be for all of them.  Taking time to be alone to read, to contemplate, meditate, or exercise are great ways for us to enjoy alone time.
  5. Do things that make you happy – as you have probably noticed by now, one of my biggest loves is travel.  I love to travel with Brandon, with my kids, my friends and even alone.  The thrill of exploring new places, enjoying sunshine, waterfalls, the ocean, the forest, and many, many other things is really the reason I work.  Even going out of town for business is a huge thrill for me because I usually get at least a little time to relax.  I love to shop (I know, shocker), I love to go to movies and dinner with my family, I love river rafting, hiking, biking and sunbathing.  By doing any of these things we are able to fill our cups to make us better for ourself and those around us.

 

Oh and if by wearing some funky boots, or a fabulous leather skirt makes you feel as good as it makes me feel…I’ve linked my boots and the rest of my outfit (or similar pieces) below…


What your Eyes say about You

“Eyes are captivatingly beautiful.  Not because of the color but because of the words they hold within them!”

I am sure you have all heard that the eyes are the window to the soul…well, I can tell you that by looking into someone’s eyes, and I mean REALLY looking, you can actually tell a lot about a person!

In fact, if you really do take the time to sit and notice someone, look at them and connect with them you can feel their energy and start to learn things about them.  I have always been someone that has had a hard time hiding my emotions, in fact if you ever really want to know how I am feeling about something, you just need to look at my face and definitely my eyes.

The reason I am telling you about this, is that the greatest thing we can do for ourselves and others in this live is to truly connect.  So, if you really want to connect with someone, take the time to notice things about them, pay attention to their eye movement, whether they look you in the eye, and the sparkle or lack of sparkle in their eyes.

Does this seem crazy or are you open to this concept?  After over 20 years in sales, I can attest to the importance of stepping into someone else’s world rather than pushing your own agenda.  Even if you think you are not in sales so this doesn’t apply to you…think again.  We are ALL in sales in one form or another.  Whether you are starting a new relationship, interviewing for a new position, developing friendships or wanting to make the relationship with your spouse or children better, you are in sales.  The goal is to let the other person really see what you are about, what a good person you are, and how much you care – all sales.

So, if you could just take the time to notice someone instead of carrying on your own agenda, how much do you think that could change your life?  I know in my life, when I truly want to connect with someone, I don’t spend all the time talking about ME, I listen, I notice, I watch, and I learn…remembering important details in another person’s life and connecting with them on that level is vital to establishing and maintaining amazing relationships.  I always tell my kids that if you want to HAVE a friend, you have to BE a friend – in that order!

Here’s the part where I have struggled in my life – I love to be the most loyal and trustworthy friend, but there have only been a select few that I have allowed to become that close to me.  I have been reluctant to be completely vulnerable because of times in the past where people have taken advantage of that vulnerability.  Only those that truly notice me are the ones that I have let in completely.   While my actions were there to help protect me, what they actually have done in the past have ultimately made me more lonely and isolated.  I am finally to a place in my life, where I know the REAL people that I want in it, I let those people in and I allow myself the grace to not be perfect and share that with those closest to me 🙂

Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes and just KNOWN what they are thinking or how they are feeling?  I can tell you that this has made a huge difference in my life…it has allowed me to have amazing relationships and I feel very blessed because of them.

Could using this tool do anything in your life?  As you look into my eyes what do you see?

 

See Yourself Through the Eyes

 

“Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others!”

This thought provoking quote was how I wanted to start today’s blog post.  I thought it was so poignant because how others view us really can have a lot to do with how we view ourselves.

I 100% believe that how I am feeling about myself, how I am acting and more importantly how I am treating myself can all lead to how others treat us.  There have been times in my life where I have been in a dark, negative place and consequently I tended to show a lot more anger, frustration and impatience, and surprise, surprise, guess what I got in return.

So, the most obvious question is why would we treat ourself in any other way than how we would like others to treat us?  Why would we want to let other people know that it is OK to treat us that way, and more importantly, why would we do that to ourselves.  The answer is simple, more often than not, when we are in a cycle like this, we are completely unaware that we are doing it.  Have you ever wondered why sometimes you act a certain way and have no idea why you do it?  I definitely have, and when I am conscious enough to start to think about it, the only thing that comes to mind is that old habits and bad advice from past experiences are rearing their ugly heads.

The more conscious we are about what we are feeling and how we are acting the more likely we are going to be able to build a happy life.

 

 

It is also important to be conscious about how we treat other people, because I have seen it time and time again, the more patient you are with someone the more you are going to get the same treatment in return (unless of course we’re talking about kids which is a whole other topic!) . I have noticed that I can definitely make assumptions about someone based on their appearance, but guess what, my assumption is very often not correct, and more importantly, the more I do that with others, the more likely that people are going to do the same to me.  However we act based on what we feel, that is exactly the kind of thing we are going to attract to ourselves.  Feel and act negatively – that’s exactly what you’re going to get.  Feel happy – you are going to attract happiness and happy people into your life.

I used to think that a lot of the self help programs were very “woo woo” and that how is it possible to “attract” something to me by acting a certain way?  Well, I am a scientist, I love to know the facts, I love to think things through from start to finish and what my thought process has taught me is that our bodies are basically a big ball of energy, so why would it not be possible to attract certain energies based on the energy we give off?  I have volunteered in my kid’s school for their “Hands on Science” and I love it, I love re-learning the fundamentals about how energy works.  How our cells are made up and how all of these theories may be actually fact.  Seeing the kid’s eyes light up when you show them how the energy works is fascinating and I love to see their excitement.  I wish we as adults got excited about things even half as much as kids do!

It is important when you look at yourself through the eyes of others to be open minded.  It will allow us to improve upon ourselves and shift people’s opinion if they are not viewing us in a favorable way, and it will also allow us to recognize that we are worthy to have people love and respect us if that is what they are seeing in us.  I honestly believe that our families and our closest friends really do know us and how they treat us, act when they are around us and whether they trust us or not are great gauges to find out how someone feels.

I am hoping that this topic will give you pause to think and allow you to start off your week in the most positive way possible 🙂

HAPPY MONDAY

 

How to Handle Haters and Jealous People

“Jealousy is when you count someone else’s blessings instead of your own!”

We have all experienced jealousy and hatred in some way in our lives, and more often than not the jealousy or hatred that others seem to feel about us has absolutely nothing to do with us.

I am sometimes a black and white thinker and in situations like this I have had a hard time figuring out why someone could be so mean or hateful.  It just didn’t make sense to me…and here’s the truth, it probably never will.  How others feel about us has less to do with us and more to do with them.  Very often if you encounter someone that says hateful things about you or is just very jealous and does whatever possible to bring you down, it is because they have an insecurity themselves or they are just generally unhappy people and hate to see others happy.

The only control you can have around people and situations like this is to not take it personally.  Realizing that you are very unlikely to be able to change their opinion or change what they think is the first step in not letting how they feel control how you feel!  I have also realized that I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life so I choose to surround myself with only those people that make me feel good, lift me up and have my back.

I have encountered some less than favorable comments on my social media, and I have had some very unsavory people write me personal messages that are not something I want to read.  Of course if we are talking about social media and how people hide behind their profiles and use that as an opportunity to just be mean, then there is the greatest tool ever – we can block those people!

Sometimes we may work with people that are our “haters” so ignoring them isn’t an option.  That’s when the grown up in us has to kick in and address the situation head on.  Speaking directly to the person and letting them know that you want to create a good working environment is necessary and that there is no excuse for not being professional – and most importantly that you are not going to let their behavior affect your ability to work in a positive working environment.

One of the hardest but most productive approaches I have found with people like this too is to turn the tables.  Essentially to kill them with kindness, compliment on something, make them feel good about themselves, and most importantly be nice.  Being nice to someone that is essentially mean isn’t an easy thing to do, but it most often diffuses a situation and even if it doesn’t change their mind about you, it may just change your perspective, which is 100% the only thing you can control.

 

There have been times in my life where I have allowed the behavior of others, the negativity and jealousy to affect how I felt.  It brought me down, it made me feel dark, unloved, not good enough, sad, and even depressed at times.  I won’t say that I am completely over all of this, but I have certainly learned to be able to take a step back and not allow others to control me or have any power over me. We are all a work in progress, so I don’t get this right every time, but the key is that I am aware of it.  I notice how others treat me, I pay attention to body language because very often what people say to our faces verbally is not really what they’re thinking.  I watch how people treat others, if they speak behind their backs, and I don’t allow those people to get too close to me because very often if they treat one person that way, they could do it to me.  I tend to be very discerning about who I let into my close circle, and that doesn’t mean that I am lonely it just means that I am picky, because I want to be.  I want only genuine people in my life, because that is what I am!

Sometimes reading about another persons experience helps us with our own challenges.  Even if only one thing I said here resonates with you and helps you, I consider that a WIN!

Happy Friday!

 

Being Fierce

“And one day she discovered that she was fierce, and strong and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears!”

What does being fierce mean to you?

Today was my Grandma’s birthday and since she was one of the most fierce women I know, I thought it would be a great tribute to her to write about this topic…

If you think about in nature the animals that are known as being fierce as the ones that are feared or at the very least revered…so as I contemplated what being fierce meant to me, these beasts are what came to mind.

To me, being fierce means being unshakeable in the determination to achieve my goals, regardless of bumps in the road, or even detours.  Having the belief that no matter what, I can do whatever I set my mind to…

My life has definitely not been an exercise in things being simple, but I can tell you this, there is not ONE THING I would change about my past or present because they are the amazing things that have defined who I am today.  I am pretty proud of who I am today, because the person I am may be strong and unwilling to give up her goals, but I am also a girl that takes my relationships and friendships very seriously.  I am fiercely loyal, and know this, when I am in your corner, you will have my 100% support.

So, how do you take your experiences and use those hard things you have gone through to make you stronger as well as being more vulnerable on the other side?  The answer is simple – you don’t be afraid to trust someone else, you open yourself to someone and allow them to help you.  When I first moved over to the US I had an amazing cousin that let me live with her until I had my own place to live.  She asked nothing in return, and has continued to be there for me.  I have made amazing friends along the way that I know will have my back no matter what, and I continue to develop more and more relationships built on loyalty and trust.  Being a fierce woman in this life doesn’t mean you have to step on others to achieve your goals, in fact, it is because of the others in our life that we are able to become our true fierce selves.

 

 

I grew up in a home with 2 brothers, I have 4 sons.  Living in a testosterone rich environment has made me realize how important femininity is to strength and how I can use my gifts to achieve my goals. It has made me realize that strength does not need to be aggressive or angry (the technique I used to use to protect myself), nor does it have to manipulate.  True strength is not afraid to lean on others, not afraid to be there for others, not afraid to be vulnerable, not afraid to surrender to those things we can’t control, and not afraid to recognize that control is only an illusion.

Because I have never known what it has been like to have a sister, my girlfriends are like the sisters I have never had.  I honestly know that my strength comes from them in some part, and I only hope that I can pay it forward and be doing the same for them and others as well.

Monday’s are a great day to start focusing on how you can achieve your goals…

Happy Monday!

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