Conditional Confidence

“Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing!”

Have you ever put conditions on your confidence or self-esteem?  Let me explain…

I have been in sales for 20 years now and have experienced huge successes which has afforded me the opportunity to travel and create amazing memories with my family.  Because I have worked really hard at it and become successful, a lot of my self confidence came from that success.  So, when I decided to start writing this blog I didn’t have the same amount of confidence in myself or my abilities.  In fact, I started to wonder if anyone would even be interested in what I might have to say, or if it could provide any value. I started to shy away from interacting with other bloggers and almost hid behind the computer rather than putting myself “out there” and being confident and bold.

I had put conditions on my confidence – I only felt good if I got a certain number of comments or likes on my social media and I started to feel a little insecure about my abilities.  It took me a while but I realized that this was a self-defeatist mindset and it was actually getting it the way of my happiness and success.  So here’s what I started to do – I pushed myself to do as many things that made me feel uncomfortable as possible so that I could grow and become stronger.  I started to accept my value even on those days where the engagement of my blog or social media was low, so that my confidence or happiness was no longer dependent on my success (or at least my perceived success!)

After going through these things I started to realize that this has been a pattern in my life – when things were going well I felt really good about myself, but if I had a bad sales month (or year) or I had a client cancel etc., etc. it made me feel like I wasn’t any good at what I was doing.  Now this is a double edged sword – it created a huge amount of drive in my career and life, BUT it also meant that no matter what, at some point, I was going to let a situation or a person determine how confident I felt in myself.  Obviously not the best way to live my life.

Do you find yourself putting conditions on how you feel about yourself?  Is your self-worth or confidence DEPENDENT on something?  It is a really common thought process in a lot of people, but if you can master the art of shining no matter what is going on in your life, and not allowing things or people determine how you feel about yourself, everything else just seems to work itself out – and not because everything is going to always go your way, but because you can handle it when it doesn’t!

If you have experienced in the past or if you currently find yourself thinking that you worth is conditional on certain things, I wanted to share with you a concept…

What if you just considered yourself as a unique, irreplaceable person, that is valued unconditionally, and that when you see yourself as this person, you will be able to connect and create stronger relationships in your life, the relationships that you deserve.  Would it be worth thinking this way instead of letting thoughts of shame, negativity, insecurity or judgement  camp out in your mind?  I can tell you that it worked for me, and that I work every day on focusing on the good in me…

Have an amazing weekend – I would love to hear what you think about this concept…Comment below!

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