We have all experienced jealousy and hatred in some way in our lives, and more often than not the jealousy or hatred that others seem to feel about us has absolutely nothing to do with us.
I am sometimes a black and white thinker and in situations like this I have had a hard time figuring out why someone could be so mean or hateful. It just didn’t make sense to me…and here’s the truth, it probably never will. How others feel about us has less to do with us and more to do with them. Very often if you encounter someone that says hateful things about you or is just very jealous and does whatever possible to bring you down, it is because they have an insecurity themselves or they are just generally unhappy people and hate to see others happy.
The only control you can have around people and situations like this is to not take it personally. Realizing that you are very unlikely to be able to change their opinion or change what they think is the first step in not letting how they feel control how you feel! I have also realized that I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life so I choose to surround myself with only those people that make me feel good, lift me up and have my back.
I have encountered some less than favorable comments on my social media, and I have had some very unsavory people write me personal messages that are not something I want to read. Of course if we are talking about social media and how people hide behind their profiles and use that as an opportunity to just be mean, then there is the greatest tool ever – we can block those people!
Sometimes we may work with people that are our “haters” so ignoring them isn’t an option. That’s when the grown up in us has to kick in and address the situation head on. Speaking directly to the person and letting them know that you want to create a good working environment is necessary and that there is no excuse for not being professional – and most importantly that you are not going to let their behavior affect your ability to work in a positive working environment.
One of the hardest but most productive approaches I have found with people like this too is to turn the tables. Essentially to kill them with kindness, compliment on something, make them feel good about themselves, and most importantly be nice. Being nice to someone that is essentially mean isn’t an easy thing to do, but it most often diffuses a situation and even if it doesn’t change their mind about you, it may just change your perspective, which is 100% the only thing you can control.
There have been times in my life where I have allowed the behavior of others, the negativity and jealousy to affect how I felt. It brought me down, it made me feel dark, unloved, not good enough, sad, and even depressed at times. I won’t say that I am completely over all of this, but I have certainly learned to be able to take a step back and not allow others to control me or have any power over me. We are all a work in progress, so I don’t get this right every time, but the key is that I am aware of it. I notice how others treat me, I pay attention to body language because very often what people say to our faces verbally is not really what they’re thinking. I watch how people treat others, if they speak behind their backs, and I don’t allow those people to get too close to me because very often if they treat one person that way, they could do it to me. I tend to be very discerning about who I let into my close circle, and that doesn’t mean that I am lonely it just means that I am picky, because I want to be. I want only genuine people in my life, because that is what I am!
Sometimes reading about another persons experience helps us with our own challenges. Even if only one thing I said here resonates with you and helps you, I consider that a WIN!